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I'm upset. I shouldn't be, but I am. I essentially ratted my little brother's friend out because he smokes weed. And my brother for his excessive amount of drinking he's done in the past year.
The problem is, I'm 21...I'm legal to buy alcohol. Mike is only 19, and not very legal at all except in Canada. As of a few weeks ago, his drinking wasn't a bit deal, until he came home so shitfiaced, he puked all over his keyboard and consequently ruined it.
I had been buying them beer. Obviously they paid for it. I felt a little bad about it, because it is illegal to supply minors with alcohol. But I know they'll get it somewhere, and I can always drill into them that they shouldn't be idiots about drinking.
But last weekend, his friend lit up around me. It was very disconcerting. I had drugs. I don't like the fact that they make you stupid, and that people do it because it's cool. My own brother should have known better than to let his friend light up in front of me. It boiled down to, if we got caught, a: we'd all go to jail because we were around, and then we'd go to jail for trespassing on government property!!
I wasn't going to say anything. I was like oh, well, his life. But then my mom was discussing with me how my brother has yet to find a job for the summer. (Yes I know the economy is tight). And my dad had set up an interview for him with one of the places that advertised with him. (My dad is great for getting into places because he knows a lot of people after being in advertising for so many years). Well, my brother didn't go. He had spent the afternoon golfing with a friend.
There gets to be a point when you start blowing of real priorities to go have some fun. So me and Chris said something to my mom about it. (If there is anyone anti-drugs and drinking, it's Chris because he knows first hand what it does). Well, Mike is pissed at me. I feel depressed, because it feels like the only reason people like me is because I have something they need/want/or can use. And it's depressing. And he's my fucking sibling for crying out loud. I have been worried about him. He doesn't know how lucky he is to have college paid for, and that mom didn't insist on him getting a job to help start paying back his tuition that she had to put on a credit card.
I've been working since the day I graduated high school. I did some part time work at a stable and I babysat too. I played my violin. I had odd jobs through high school. The day I turned 18 I put in an application for the local gas station so I could get a decent paying job. Before that, I worked as Data Entry for a small heating and cooling business.
Yeah, I've job hopped a lot. I'm trying to find my niche. Yeah, I know I'm not in school at the moment, and that's only because I've been liable for the cost since I graduated high school 4 years ago. I never had any scholarships and mom and pop would't co sign for any of my loans.
I just feel so lost. I'm mad that I couldn't be a better influence.